Dealing with teenagers can be quite complex. At this stage of development, teens become more independent and begin building their self-identity. Your teen’s development may cause them to become passive-aggressive in their communication. They may not be openly aggressive but make snide comments or are sarcastic when you talk to them. Teens who do not know how to communicate their displeasure openly may develop passive-aggressive communication techniques to mask their discontent.
This article aims to help parents, caregivers, and educators to understand how to deal with passive-aggressive communication. It also aims to educate parents to recognize passive-aggressive behavior and when to seek professional help for teens. If your teen exhibits passive-aggressive behavior, contact NexStep Teen Academy today to get your teen the help they need.
Understanding Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Teens
Passive-aggressive communication occurs when teens express themselves negatively through indirect, underhanded, or sarcastic remarks. Passive-aggressive teens appear neutral or passive on the surface, but their behavior or communication patterns unconsciously indicate an aggressive undertone.
Passive-aggressive teens have difficulty expressing their frustration or discontent directly. This type of communication pattern is likened to a rug with spikes. It looks safe to step on, but you get hurt once you stand on it. Passive-aggressive teens let others take control of the conversation but influence the direction of the conversation indirectly.
Common forms of passive-aggressive behavior in teens include the following:
The silent treatment
Procrastination
Sarcasm
Procrastination
The goal of passive-aggressive communication is to express discontent indirectly. Passive-aggressive teens often avoid conflict and, therefore, express negative feelings indirectly or subtly.
Identifying Signs of Passive-aggressive Communication in Teenagers
As a parent, identifying these negative patterns is important as it allows you to address and improve them. A lot of the time, it is difficult to decipher passive-aggressive communication. However, the following are signs of negative communication patterns:
Backhanded compliments
Giving you the silent treatment after an argument
One-word answers
Sarcastic responses to your questions
Taking subtle digs at you
Refusing to communicate when asked a question
Pouting or sighing loudly to indicate their discontent
Constant complaints about the situation
A hostile attitude towards you or others
Not being considerate of other people’s feelings
Spreading rumors about others
Shifting blame
Pretending not to hear someone talk
Rolling their eyes
Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Teens
Several factors can cause passive-aggressive behavior. These factors can be social, environmental, or psychological. They include the following:
Brain Development: Passive-aggressive communication can be a normal part of development. As your teen ages, they begin developing an identity separate from yours. They crave independence and freedom. Through passive-aggressive communication, they can communicate their discontent without directly hurting your feelings. Since they understand they need your support, they hide their discomfort through sarcasm.
Upbringing and Family Dynamics: Your family dynamics can contribute to the development of passive-aggressive communication. How do you and your partner treat each other after an argument? Your teen is like a sponge and absorbs behaviors and traits from their environment. Your teen’s passive-aggressive behavior may be learned from watching how you or other family members behave. You need to model positive behavior and direct communication in your teens.
Underlying Mental Health Conditions: Mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and borderline personality disorder (BPD) can cause passive-aggressive communication patterns. These mental health conditions make it difficult for teens to regulate their emotional responses. As a result, they may become passive-aggressive when they communicate with others.
Situational Triggers: Your teen may become passive-aggressive due to their current situation. If they feel they cannot be aggressive or passive towards the other person, they choose the middle ground and become passive-aggressive. This may be because it may be socially unacceptable to respond aggressively.
Fear of Conflict: Teens who fear conflict often develop passive-aggressive tendencies. They fear the consequences of direct confrontation but still want to express their discontent. Although your teen may disagree with something, they fear saying the wrong thing as it may cause an argument.
Low Self-Worth: If your teen has low self-worth issues, they may take subtle digs at others to knock them down a peg or two. Their comments aim to bring people down to the same level as them.
Lack of Healthy Communication Skills: Good communication is learned. Teens with poor communication skills may develop passive aggression to express discontent or discomfort. As a parent, you should teach your teen how to communicate effectively.
Impacts of Passive-Aggressive Communication on Teens
Passive-aggressive communication can have a lasting impact on your teen’s life. Some of the effects of passive-aggressive communication include the following:
Increased Conflict and Misunderstanding: Passive-aggressive communicators risk increasing conflict with their loved ones. The digs and sarcasm can only be tolerated for a short period. Once their friends or family members become fed up, simple communication can escalate to physical violence. Passive-aggressive communication is also ineffective in communicating one’s feelings. This can lead to increased misunderstanding as the recipient of passive-aggressive comments does not know what to improve to make your teen feel content.
Erosion of Trust and Communication: If your teen is a passive-aggressive communicator, their behavior can lead to erosion of trust. Their friends and family members feel betrayed when they receive sarcastic comments or backhanded compliments.
Difficulty Maintaining Friendships: Your teen may have difficulty maintaining friendships since passive-aggressive behavior can lead to social isolation. Your teen’s friends do not want to be constantly demeaned or subtly insulted. This may lead to a breakdown of interpersonal relationships.
Worsening of Mental Health Conditions: Since passive aggression may be a sign of an underlying mental health condition, leaving it unaddressed can worsen these mental health conditions. Isolation, increased conflict, and lack of a support system can make your teen’s mental health worse.
Effective Strategies for Managing Teen Passive-Aggressive Behavior
As a parent or guardian, it is your responsibility to address negative communication patterns. We understand that it can be difficult to call out your teen. However, having hard conversations with your teen is important to ensure they become good communicators. Some effective strategies for managing passive-aggressive behavior include the following:
Recognize the Pattern: Passive-aggressive communication varies from one person to another. As a parent, you need to recognize your teen’s passive-aggressive communication. This will help you know how to address the issue when it arises.
Address the Issue as soon as Possible: If your teen is a passive-aggressive communicator, you should address the issue immediately by calling out the behavior. It can be tempting to let it go and do nothing about it. However, you should call it out immediately. Ask them why they feel upset and if they want to discuss their feelings. Avoid becoming frustrated or aggressive. Stay calm and respond to their behavior appropriately.
Be Assertive and Direct: Passive-aggressive communication aims to avoid direct confrontation. As a parent, you should be direct and assertive while responding to your teen’s behavior. Exude empathy and honesty when communicating with your teen. This will show them that you respect their feelings and ideas.
Offer Solutions: If your teen feels misunderstood or discontent, offer solutions to their problems. Collaborative problem-solving invites your teen to participate in finding a suitable solution for the situation. It also helps rebuild any trust broken due to negative communication patterns.
Model Open Communication Skills: Open communication skills like active listening and asking open-ended questions can improve your teen’s communication. Model positive communication patterns to enable them to learn how to communicate better.
Positive Reinforcement: Passive-aggressive communicators can benefit from positive reinforcement. Reward your teen’s attempts at direct and open communication. This will show them the value of direct communication.
Helping Teens Develop Healthy Communication Skills
How can you help your teen become a good communicator? Some techniques you can utilize to improve teen communication include the following:
Encouraging Self-Reflection: To help your teen become a better communicator, you should promote self-reflection. After passive-aggressive behavior, sit down with your teen and reflect on the conversation. Encourage them to see things from your point of view and how they could have handled the conversation better. Self-reflection is a powerful tool as it gives teens a different perspective.
Journaling: Encourage your teen to jot down their feelings. Journaling is useful in managing difficult emotions like anger and discomfort. It also helps teens structure their thoughts and improve their communication skills. Having a private outlet for emotions can also help your teen reflect on all the emotions they are experiencing.
Mindfulness: This technique helps teens become more aware of the present. It allows teens to slow down their thoughts and focus on how they feel internally and externally. By appreciating their current experiences, they can make a conscious decision to respond differently to negative stimuli. During an argument, your teen’s mind races, which causes an impulsive reaction. By practicing mindfulness, they can analyze the situation and react appropriately.
Role-playing Exercises: You can teach your teen positive communication through role-playing exercises. In such an exercise, you can play the role of a teenager, and they can be the parent. Role-playing widens your teen’s perspective since they get to experience the behavior from your point of view. They also learn how to adapt to the situation for a positive outcome.
Developing Problem-Solving Skills: Passive-aggressive communication signifies a lack of problem-solving skills. When you foster collaborative problem-solving, you can help your teen’s communication improve. They become more confident as they can assist others in solving their problems.
Building Emotional Intelligence: Emotionally intelligent teens are good communicators since they understand how to respond appropriately. They are aware of societal norms and respect other people’s feelings. By fostering emotional intelligence in your teen, you can improve their communication and social skills.
Professional Help for Teen Passive-Aggressive Behaviors at NexStep Teen Academy
At NexStep Teen Academy’s teen intensive outpatient program in Arizona, we specialize in helping teens with negative communication tactics. Our five-day-a-week outpatient treatment program is tailored to meet your teen’s needs. NexStep’s IOP and teen PHP provide high-quality mental health treatment to ensure we address your teen’s underlying mental health conditions.
We utilize the following treatment modalities:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a psychotherapy technique that helps teens identify and change negative behavioral patterns. It is based on the premise that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. If your teens can learn to identify why they are passive-aggressive, they can work to change.
CBT has three main components:
Cognitive Restructuring: This component focuses on assisting teens to identify negative thoughts and reframe them to more positive ones.
Guided Discovery: Helps teens recognize how their distorted thoughts and negative behaviors affect those around them.
Cognitive Journaling: Allows teens to record their progress and note down situational or environmental triggers.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT is similar to CBT but focuses on using mindfulness to change negative behaviors. If your passive-aggressive teen practices mindfulness, they become more aware of how they feel internally and externally. Mindfulness helps teens slow down their thoughts, analyze the situation, and respond appropriately. If passive-aggressive communicators practice mindfulness, they can express themselves appropriately rather than reverting to their old habits.
Group Therapy
Group therapy can benefit passive-aggressive teens by improving their socialization skills. Passive-aggressive communication techniques signify inadequate social skills. A typical session puts your teen in a group of six to twelve teens who share their stories while being facilitated by a therapist. Due to increased peer interaction, your teen can learn to express themselves better during group sessions. It helps build confidence and community among teens.
You can help your teen communicate more openly by modeling positive behaviors. Since teens learn through observation, use open communication techniques to show them how to communicate appropriately.
Teen Passive-Aggressive Communication
Table of Contents
Dealing with teenagers can be quite complex. At this stage of development, teens become more independent and begin building their self-identity. Your teen’s development may cause them to become passive-aggressive in their communication. They may not be openly aggressive but make snide comments or are sarcastic when you talk to them. Teens who do not know how to communicate their displeasure openly may develop passive-aggressive communication techniques to mask their discontent.
This article aims to help parents, caregivers, and educators to understand how to deal with passive-aggressive communication. It also aims to educate parents to recognize passive-aggressive behavior and when to seek professional help for teens. If your teen exhibits passive-aggressive behavior, contact NexStep Teen Academy today to get your teen the help they need.
Understanding Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Teens
Passive-aggressive communication occurs when teens express themselves negatively through indirect, underhanded, or sarcastic remarks. Passive-aggressive teens appear neutral or passive on the surface, but their behavior or communication patterns unconsciously indicate an aggressive undertone.
Passive-aggressive teens have difficulty expressing their frustration or discontent directly. This type of communication pattern is likened to a rug with spikes. It looks safe to step on, but you get hurt once you stand on it. Passive-aggressive teens let others take control of the conversation but influence the direction of the conversation indirectly.
Common forms of passive-aggressive behavior in teens include the following:
The goal of passive-aggressive communication is to express discontent indirectly. Passive-aggressive teens often avoid conflict and, therefore, express negative feelings indirectly or subtly.
Identifying Signs of Passive-aggressive Communication in Teenagers
As a parent, identifying these negative patterns is important as it allows you to address and improve them. A lot of the time, it is difficult to decipher passive-aggressive communication. However, the following are signs of negative communication patterns:
Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Teens
Several factors can cause passive-aggressive behavior. These factors can be social, environmental, or psychological. They include the following:
Impacts of Passive-Aggressive Communication on Teens
Passive-aggressive communication can have a lasting impact on your teen’s life. Some of the effects of passive-aggressive communication include the following:
Effective Strategies for Managing Teen Passive-Aggressive Behavior
As a parent or guardian, it is your responsibility to address negative communication patterns. We understand that it can be difficult to call out your teen. However, having hard conversations with your teen is important to ensure they become good communicators. Some effective strategies for managing passive-aggressive behavior include the following:
Helping Teens Develop Healthy Communication Skills
How can you help your teen become a good communicator? Some techniques you can utilize to improve teen communication include the following:
Professional Help for Teen Passive-Aggressive Behaviors at NexStep Teen Academy
At NexStep Teen Academy’s teen intensive outpatient program in Arizona, we specialize in helping teens with negative communication tactics. Our five-day-a-week outpatient treatment program is tailored to meet your teen’s needs. NexStep’s IOP and teen PHP provide high-quality mental health treatment to ensure we address your teen’s underlying mental health conditions.
We utilize the following treatment modalities:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a psychotherapy technique that helps teens identify and change negative behavioral patterns. It is based on the premise that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. If your teens can learn to identify why they are passive-aggressive, they can work to change.
CBT has three main components:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT is similar to CBT but focuses on using mindfulness to change negative behaviors. If your passive-aggressive teen practices mindfulness, they become more aware of how they feel internally and externally. Mindfulness helps teens slow down their thoughts, analyze the situation, and respond appropriately. If passive-aggressive communicators practice mindfulness, they can express themselves appropriately rather than reverting to their old habits.
Group Therapy
Group therapy can benefit passive-aggressive teens by improving their socialization skills. Passive-aggressive communication techniques signify inadequate social skills. A typical session puts your teen in a group of six to twelve teens who share their stories while being facilitated by a therapist. Due to increased peer interaction, your teen can learn to express themselves better during group sessions. It helps build confidence and community among teens.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
You can help your teen communicate more openly by modeling positive behaviors. Since teens learn through observation, use open communication techniques to show them how to communicate appropriately.
Assertive communication is clear, respectful, and direct, while passive-aggressive communication is indirect, unclear, and manipulative.