Statistics indicate that self-harm is most prevalent in teens, with 15% of teens in the United States engaging in self-harm behavior. Self-harm is most prevalent among bisexual teenagers, with other sexual minorities being at an increased risk. It can be heartbreaking to think about your teen engaging in self-harm or contemplating suicide. If your teen ever threatens to harm themselves, always take it as a real threat. While sometimes it can be used as a manipulation technique, as a parent, you should ensure your teen is safe.
Understanding the difference between crisis manipulation and a genuine call for help is important. It will help you know how to address the emergency. If left unaddressed, crisis manipulation can escalate to something more disastrous or tragic. This article aims to educate parents and guardians on identifying signs of crisis manipulation and equip them with the necessary skills to ensure they address their teen’s negative behavior appropriately.
If you are worried about your son or daughter’s situation, contact NexStep Teen Academy. Our team can walk you through the treatment process and help you determine whether professional intervention is necessary.
Understanding Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
Clinically known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), self-harm is the intentional act of harming oneself. Teens who self-harm use it mainly for emotional relief. If your teen engages in NSSI, it signifies that they are struggling with something else internally. NSSI is an unhealthy coping mechanism used by teens to feel relief instead of dealing with overwhelming emotions.
Another reason teens threaten suicide or self-harm is manipulation. They know how much you care about them and can use it to make you do things for them. Crisis manipulation is all about control. If your teen feels powerless against a decision you have made, they may use crisis manipulation to guilt you into changing your mind. They intentionally escalate a disagreement into a full-blown argument and then threaten to harm themselves if they do not get their way. This behavior is common in teens with inadequate emotional regulation and open communication skills.
Sometimes, teens use crisis manipulation to gain attention. It is common for teens to feel like their needs are not being met. Your teen may resort to crisis manipulation to get attention from you. For example, they may start comparing themselves to their siblings. A common example of this is when your teen says, “You don’t love me as much as my brother/sister; that is why I self-harm.” This type of comparison is dangerous and should always be taken seriously.
Recognizing Signs of Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
As a parent, you need to differentiate between crisis manipulation and a genuine call for help. How can you do this? It is important to understand the differences between genuine self-harm threats and manipulation tactics.
Before we look at some manipulative tactics or behaviors, let us highlight the symptoms of self-harm in teens. They include the following:
Cuts on their wrists and inner thighs
Clustered scabs
Missing patches of hair
Burns of the same size and shape
Frequent unexplained accidents
Wearing long-sleeved clothing even when it is hot
Avoiding any clothes that reveal parts of their bodies
Avoiding social interactions
Avoiding activities they once enjoyed
Social isolation
Meanwhile, some common signs of crisis manipulation include the following:
Blowing Problems Out of Proportion: One of the signs of crisis manipulation is when your teen exaggerates their problems. Your teen may exaggerate a relatively minor issue into a crisis. For example, if your teen twists their ankle, they may call you saying they have fallen down the stairs and feel like they have broken their leg. Your teen exaggerates their situation to make you act immediately.
Frequent ‘Emergencies’: Crisis manipulators have very frequent ‘emergencies.’ Every other day, your teen may have a different ‘emergency.’ Parents need to recognize patterns when their teens call them with an emergency. If it happens too frequently and is usually not something to worry about, then your teen is manipulating you.
Dramatic Emotional Responses: Teens often have dramatic emotional displays to sell the seriousness of the situation. A small cut may make your teen let out a blood-curdling scream. If your teen has overly dramatic responses to seemingly innocuous situations, they are likely manipulating you.
Inconsistencies During Crises: Since your teen’s crisis may not be genuine, they may become inconsistent with how they explain it. For example, you receive a phone call from your teen where they say they broke their ankle. You rush home, and the story they tell you involves breaking their wrist. These inconsistencies may indicate that your teen is using crisis manipulation.
Crises that are Seemingly Timed: Your teen’s crises often happen at the most inconvenient time. While there is no convenient time to respond to an emergency, your teen’s crises always seem to happen when you are in the middle of something important. For example, your teen’s crises always seem to arise during your other child’s important events, like a big football match or during their graduation.
Root Causes: Understanding What Drives Teen Self-Harm Behaviors
There are several reasons why your teen may engage in crisis manipulation, including the following:
Underlying Mental Health Conditions: Teens with mental health conditions like depression and borderline personality disorder (BPD) may use crisis manipulation to help with emotional regulation. Dealing with mental health conditions can be difficult and overwhelming. Since teens may not know how to communicate their needs effectively, they may use manipulative tactics to get emotional support. They know you will drop anything you are doing to soothe them.
Trauma: Traumatic experiences and their resultant emotions can be overwhelming. Such emotions can be scary and confusing to experience. If your teen has recently gone through a traumatic experience, they may struggle with emotional regulation. As a result, they may manipulate crises to help them regulate their emotions.
Emotional Regulation Issues: If your teen has trouble regulating their emotions, they may use crisis manipulation to get emotional support. Overwhelming emotions cause a lot of confusion. Since your teen may not know how to deal with such emotions effectively, they may use crisis manipulation to get emotional support.
Social Influences: Teens may begin using crisis manipulation because of influence from their peers or social media. During adolescence, teens can easily be influenced by friends or social media. If your teen’s friend tells them they got a brand new phone by using crisis manipulation, your teen may want to try it out.
Effective Ways to Address Teen Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
Crisis manipulation and self-harm are serious emergencies. As a parent or guardian, it is crucial that you take immediate action if you are worried about your teen. The following are ways you can handle crisis manipulation:
Stay Calm
When dealing with a manipulative teen, you should always stay calm. We understand that it can be frustrating to deal with manipulation. However, you should try to remain calm. Do not yell at them because that will intensify their emotions. By remaining calm, you can de-escalate the situation to a point where you can reason with your teen. To do this, you need to focus on the underlying cause of their manipulation.
Set Clear Boundaries and Consequences
You need to let your teen know what behaviors are acceptable. Manipulation is a tactic used by teens to get their needs met. If you let them know you disapprove of their behavior, their negative attitude will improve.
Boundaries are nothing without consequences. If your teen continues using manipulative tactics, you need to show them that their actions have consequences. Apply the consequences consistently and proportionately when boundaries are crossed. If the consequences are disproportionate, your teen’s behavior might not improve.
Validate Feelings, Not Behaviors
When your teen is clearly becoming manipulative, you should validate their feelings. For example, you can acknowledge that they seem upset and allow them to express their emotions. Avoid validating their behavior, as it may reinforce their manipulative techniques. Validating their feelings diffuses the situation and makes your teen feel seen and valued. Sometimes, manipulation is used as a tool for getting attention.
Foster Problem-Solving Skills
Problem-solving skills help your teen become self-reliant. It reinforces the idea that they do not need to call you every time they have an emergency, and they help teens navigate complicated situations effectively.
Seek Professional Help
If your teen’s behavior persists or worsens, you may need to seek professional help. Professionals are better equipped to handle manipulative tactics through the use of various therapy techniques.
Professional Help for Teen Crisis Manipulation at NexStep Teen Academy
Crisis manipulation can be concerning for any parent to witness. At NexStep Teen Academy’s teen IOP, we provide high-quality mental health treatment for teens with crisis manipulation. Our highly skilled staff ensures your teen’s needs are met during treatment. At Nexstep, we tailor our treatment programs to cater to your teen’s specific needs.
Tucked away in the desert of Arizona, NexStep provides a serene environment where your teen can focus on treatment. Our five-day-a-week outpatient and adolescent PHP programs are suitable for teens struggling with crisis manipulation as they utilize both evidence-based and holistic treatment approaches. We use the following modalities to treat crisis manipulation:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT is similar to CBT but focuses on using grounding techniques to help teens change their behavior. One key component of DBT is mindfulness. This technique allows teens to slow down their thoughts and respond appropriately to situations. It teaches teens to actively choose a positive action rather than reverting to negative thought patterns.
Family Therapy
Crisis manipulation can strain family bonds. NexStep’s family therapy focuses on mending broken trust and rebuilding healthy family bonds. We understand that families that have experienced crisis manipulation find it hard to trust each other. With family therapy, teens and their family members are taught how to cope with negative stimuli. Family therapy also teaches parents how to support their teens effectively.
Group Therapy
Peer support is an important component of recovery. In group therapy, teens share their stories in a judgment-free space. Today’s generation tends to rely on their friends more for emotional support. We recognize this and ensure that teens are treated in a space filled with their peers. Since group therapy builds a strong support structure, teens who attend group therapy become more confident in communicating their wants and needs.
Crisis manipulation follows a certain pattern. It involves exaggerated and inconsistent emotional responses to ‘emergencies.’ Teens who use crisis manipulation also give very vague and shifting ideas and do not want solutions for their problems.
Teen Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
Table of Contents
Statistics indicate that self-harm is most prevalent in teens, with 15% of teens in the United States engaging in self-harm behavior. Self-harm is most prevalent among bisexual teenagers, with other sexual minorities being at an increased risk. It can be heartbreaking to think about your teen engaging in self-harm or contemplating suicide. If your teen ever threatens to harm themselves, always take it as a real threat. While sometimes it can be used as a manipulation technique, as a parent, you should ensure your teen is safe.
Understanding the difference between crisis manipulation and a genuine call for help is important. It will help you know how to address the emergency. If left unaddressed, crisis manipulation can escalate to something more disastrous or tragic. This article aims to educate parents and guardians on identifying signs of crisis manipulation and equip them with the necessary skills to ensure they address their teen’s negative behavior appropriately.
If you are worried about your son or daughter’s situation, contact NexStep Teen Academy. Our team can walk you through the treatment process and help you determine whether professional intervention is necessary.
Understanding Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
Clinically known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), self-harm is the intentional act of harming oneself. Teens who self-harm use it mainly for emotional relief. If your teen engages in NSSI, it signifies that they are struggling with something else internally. NSSI is an unhealthy coping mechanism used by teens to feel relief instead of dealing with overwhelming emotions.
Another reason teens threaten suicide or self-harm is manipulation. They know how much you care about them and can use it to make you do things for them. Crisis manipulation is all about control. If your teen feels powerless against a decision you have made, they may use crisis manipulation to guilt you into changing your mind. They intentionally escalate a disagreement into a full-blown argument and then threaten to harm themselves if they do not get their way. This behavior is common in teens with inadequate emotional regulation and open communication skills.
Sometimes, teens use crisis manipulation to gain attention. It is common for teens to feel like their needs are not being met. Your teen may resort to crisis manipulation to get attention from you. For example, they may start comparing themselves to their siblings. A common example of this is when your teen says, “You don’t love me as much as my brother/sister; that is why I self-harm.” This type of comparison is dangerous and should always be taken seriously.
Recognizing Signs of Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
As a parent, you need to differentiate between crisis manipulation and a genuine call for help. How can you do this? It is important to understand the differences between genuine self-harm threats and manipulation tactics.
Before we look at some manipulative tactics or behaviors, let us highlight the symptoms of self-harm in teens. They include the following:
Meanwhile, some common signs of crisis manipulation include the following:
Root Causes: Understanding What Drives Teen Self-Harm Behaviors
There are several reasons why your teen may engage in crisis manipulation, including the following:
Effective Ways to Address Teen Self-Harm and Crisis Manipulation
Crisis manipulation and self-harm are serious emergencies. As a parent or guardian, it is crucial that you take immediate action if you are worried about your teen. The following are ways you can handle crisis manipulation:
Stay Calm
When dealing with a manipulative teen, you should always stay calm. We understand that it can be frustrating to deal with manipulation. However, you should try to remain calm. Do not yell at them because that will intensify their emotions. By remaining calm, you can de-escalate the situation to a point where you can reason with your teen. To do this, you need to focus on the underlying cause of their manipulation.
Set Clear Boundaries and Consequences
You need to let your teen know what behaviors are acceptable. Manipulation is a tactic used by teens to get their needs met. If you let them know you disapprove of their behavior, their negative attitude will improve.
Boundaries are nothing without consequences. If your teen continues using manipulative tactics, you need to show them that their actions have consequences. Apply the consequences consistently and proportionately when boundaries are crossed. If the consequences are disproportionate, your teen’s behavior might not improve.
Validate Feelings, Not Behaviors
When your teen is clearly becoming manipulative, you should validate their feelings. For example, you can acknowledge that they seem upset and allow them to express their emotions. Avoid validating their behavior, as it may reinforce their manipulative techniques. Validating their feelings diffuses the situation and makes your teen feel seen and valued. Sometimes, manipulation is used as a tool for getting attention.
Foster Problem-Solving Skills
Problem-solving skills help your teen become self-reliant. It reinforces the idea that they do not need to call you every time they have an emergency, and they help teens navigate complicated situations effectively.
Seek Professional Help
If your teen’s behavior persists or worsens, you may need to seek professional help. Professionals are better equipped to handle manipulative tactics through the use of various therapy techniques.
Professional Help for Teen Crisis Manipulation at NexStep Teen Academy
Crisis manipulation can be concerning for any parent to witness. At NexStep Teen Academy’s teen IOP, we provide high-quality mental health treatment for teens with crisis manipulation. Our highly skilled staff ensures your teen’s needs are met during treatment. At Nexstep, we tailor our treatment programs to cater to your teen’s specific needs.
Tucked away in the desert of Arizona, NexStep provides a serene environment where your teen can focus on treatment. Our five-day-a-week outpatient and adolescent PHP programs are suitable for teens struggling with crisis manipulation as they utilize both evidence-based and holistic treatment approaches. We use the following modalities to treat crisis manipulation:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
DBT is similar to CBT but focuses on using grounding techniques to help teens change their behavior. One key component of DBT is mindfulness. This technique allows teens to slow down their thoughts and respond appropriately to situations. It teaches teens to actively choose a positive action rather than reverting to negative thought patterns.
Family Therapy
Crisis manipulation can strain family bonds. NexStep’s family therapy focuses on mending broken trust and rebuilding healthy family bonds. We understand that families that have experienced crisis manipulation find it hard to trust each other. With family therapy, teens and their family members are taught how to cope with negative stimuli. Family therapy also teaches parents how to support their teens effectively.
Group Therapy
Peer support is an important component of recovery. In group therapy, teens share their stories in a judgment-free space. Today’s generation tends to rely on their friends more for emotional support. We recognize this and ensure that teens are treated in a space filled with their peers. Since group therapy builds a strong support structure, teens who attend group therapy become more confident in communicating their wants and needs.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Common reasons behind teen self-harm include:
Crisis manipulation is intentionally manipulating emergencies for one’s benefit.
Crisis manipulation follows a certain pattern. It involves exaggerated and inconsistent emotional responses to ‘emergencies.’ Teens who use crisis manipulation also give very vague and shifting ideas and do not want solutions for their problems.
You should always take threats of self-harm seriously. However, if it is used as a manipulation technique, you need to seek professional help.